Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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