Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
