Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
