some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
