btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
