i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My vagina is officially offended.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
