If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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