Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
