you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
