I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
