we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
