Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
