Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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