when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
