Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
