just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
