Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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