lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
