So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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