Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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