my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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