Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
