Moan for me like Helen Keller
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
