I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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