Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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