New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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