You smell like a Billy Joel song
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
