My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
