were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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