You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
