We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
