After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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