So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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