hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
