You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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