as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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