So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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