Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
whose parrot is this?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
