my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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