Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
