You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
