We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
