My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
