I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
