what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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