Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
