I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
