He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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