How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
