ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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