she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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