My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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