soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
