I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
