Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
