and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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