And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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