everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
