Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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