I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to align my fucking chakras
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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